the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
