BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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