I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
