that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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