we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
