When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
