Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
