I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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