Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
