Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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