And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
