We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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