You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think my fart just growled at me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
