He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's rum buckets o'clock
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
