new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
