i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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