alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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