We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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