I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
