he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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