Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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