i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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