I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
