I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
