im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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