Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
