I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize