So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
God I need to hump something, right now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
