did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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