Just fell off a train. Bad.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
