Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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