I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
