She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
