Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
