dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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