I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
