I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My liver just had a heart attack.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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