You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
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Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I smell like Dick and happiness
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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