i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
