I accidentally had phone sex last night
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
