Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
