So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
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Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
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So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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