That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
