Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
