turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
