It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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