Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
