He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
