are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
