After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
