I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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