You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
