Will you blow on my dice?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
