Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
