apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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