1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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