Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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