from now on my penis is your penis
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
