I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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