i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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