So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
