I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
