its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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