she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
