haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
