I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
