dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
