NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
