so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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