the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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