my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
