I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
