im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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