The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She even gives head with a lisp.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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