This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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