2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
