I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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