okay pat passed out under dana's car
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
