I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Randomize
