If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
