I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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