I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
