just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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