I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
A+ Viking dick
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
