i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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