FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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