if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
