We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
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I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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